That sucker doesn’t budge. Not to the left. Not to the right. And I’m happy to report there was absolutely no pole dancing involved, just steely grit, cold hard determination . . . and all of YouTube’s search results for “How to Install a @$#^ing Car Seat.”
I did learn a couple things though, so in case this helps anyone . . .
1) Read the instruction manual all the way through before starting. Because, shock of all shocks, the guy in India who wrote it for seven cents an hour might not have put things in the right order. My manual, for instance, first explained how to install the seat by strapping a lap belt over it. So I spent a half hour doing that and marveling at how miraculously unstable it all seemed. And then I turned to the next page and saw the instructions for how to install just the car seat’s base. Sheesh. Now they tell me.
2) If your car has LATCH (Lower Anchors and Tethers for Children), use them.
3) If you’re using safety belts to secure the seat/base, click them over to the “child seat” setting. Or buy a locking clip.
4) If you’re strapping in the base and want a better fit, try standing on the base (or just putting some weight on it) before tightening the belt. Worked great for me.
5) If an old Russian lady is walking her two dogs and sees you fumbling with the car seat, do not scream “STUPID BABY! I WISH YOU’D JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!” at the imaginary baby not actually in the car seat.
Because some people just can’t take a joke.