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Archive for December, 2010

Happy Holidays, everyone! I had planned to post some tips and tricks for traveling with an infant. But that was before Leigh Ann, Nate, and I endured 12 hours of security lines, unexpected layovers, and oh-my-god-I’m-gonna-die turbulence. Now I have but one tip for “traveling with an infant”:

1) Don’t.

It has nothing to do with having an infant. It has to do with traveling. Don’t do it, fool. It’s not worth it. If your relatives want to see you, they can buy the foreclosed crack house next door. Unless that’s where you purchase your crack, in which case they can buy the foreclosed crack house on the other side. If you purchase your crack from both locations, then, really, it’s time to make up your mind.

But all this talk of crack is probably obscuring the true meaning of Christmas. So let’s have a look at some folks who’ve decorated their houses in a way that shows they’re truly in the spirit. Or that they smoke crack.













More here. See you in 2011, everyone!

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Dad Perks

There are at least two things I love about being a Dad. The first is the exemption society seems to have granted me regarding personal hygiene. Didn’t shower this morning? Or brush my teeth? Or bother to put on a different ironic t-shirt? No problem, newbie Dad! We understand!

The other day I walked into our bank (in plush Beverly Hills, no less) and thanks to the security camera above the counter noticed a trail of spit-up down my back. Here was my conversation with the perfectly-coiffed teller:

HER: Anything else I can do for you, Sir?
ME (embarrassed, trying to hide): No, I think that’s it.
HER (of Nate): He’s so beautiful.

“He’s so beautiful” was all she could say. And this was not just your average spit-up. It went from my shoulder all the way down to my ass cheek. It looked like a pelican had landed on my head and crapped down my back.

But somehow I got a pass.

The second thing I love about being a Dad are moments like this:

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When I got up this morning and saw that this site had gotten over 1,000 hits in the last 24 hours, my first thought was: “Oh my God, did I accidentally post those naked pictures of myself?” By the grace of God, I did not. Instead, some kind soul on BabyCenter tooted our horn.

So welcome expecting Mommas! If you’re due in February, then you’re right about where I was when I started this blog. Feel free to have a look around. Or click here and scroll down if you want to start from the beginning.

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Finally some parenting advice in words I can understand: pictures.

















From the book Safe Baby Handling Tips by David and Kelly Sopp.

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Person XXX-XX-XXXX

Nate got his social security card today. So he’s officially a real person. I find it odd, however, that there was a place for him to sign but instructions that he not do so until he’s 18. What does that mean? That they expect me to keep track of a 2” by 3” piece of paper until 2028? Great. I don’t know where my car keys are.

(Seriously, have you seen them?)

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If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people bragging about how smart their kid is. “My kid scored 8,000,000 on his IQ test.” “My kid did a backflip.” “My kid cured cancer.” Blah blah blah. So predictable and annoying.

But guess what my kid did? Rolled over before his 6 week birthday!

Have a look:

(And, yes, I just got iMovie.)

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Last week I doubted that daughters cause divorce. “Having a boy” and “being happy” appeared to be correlated, yes, but I wasn’t convinced that one caused the other. Well, Steven Landsburg is:

But in this case, correlation does imply causation, and here’s why: If you take 3 million people, have them all flip coins, and divide them into two groups according to whether their coins came up heads or tails, then the two groups are going to look statistically identical in every way—same average income, same average intelligence, same average height. That’s called the law of large numbers, and it works for two reasons—first, the sample size is huge, and second, coin flips are random. Now do the same thing, dividing your 3 million people according to the gender of their last-born child. The same thing happens—parents of boys are going to be statistically identical in every way to parents of girls, because you’ve still got a huge sample size and because the sex of a child is as random as a coin flip. Since everything else is equal, the only thing that can be causing the difference in divorce rates is the gender of the children.

Still, I’d like to see the cross tabs. If you adjust for all the factors that tend to make people happy (and therefore less likely to divorce) – stuff like income, education, marital status, health, etc. – is the effect still present? In other words, do married women with $100,000 jobs, and Master’s degrees, and husbands, and clean bills of health, and daughters still get divorced more often than women with $100,000 jobs, and Master’s degrees, and husbands, and clean bills of health, and sons?

If so, then I will quietly begin to weep.

One tangent before I change a diaper: a number of studies suggest that boy fetuses are more likely to miscarry under times of stress. Natural and social catastrophes (like 9/11), unemployment, extremely hot climates, and poor diets have all been show to lower the boy to girl birth ratio. Call women “the weaker sex” all you want, but exactly the opposite is true in the womb. Boy fetuses need more support and are less likely to survive without it. Might this tie back into the notion that parents of boys are happier on average than parents of girls? If they’re less likely to live in high stress environments or have experienced any of the above calamities, then it would make sense.

Now, on to yellow-green poop.

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