Archive for the ‘Photos’ Category
My kid has a four pack. As if looking through Muscle & Fitness wasn’t damaging enough to my self-esteem, now I have to see the abdominal striations of a 4 month old every time I change him. Sheesh.
Happy Holidays, everyone! I had planned to post some tips and tricks for traveling with an infant. But that was before Leigh Ann, Nate, and I endured 12 hours of security lines, unexpected layovers, and oh-my-god-I’m-gonna-die turbulence. Now I have but one tip for “traveling with an infant”:
It has nothing to do with having an infant. It has to do with traveling. Don’t do it, fool. It’s not worth it. If your relatives want to see you, they can buy the foreclosed crack house next door. Unless that’s where you purchase your crack, in which case they can buy the foreclosed crack house on the other side. If you purchase your crack from both locations, then, really, it’s time to make up your mind.
But all this talk of crack is probably obscuring the true meaning of Christmas. So let’s have a look at some folks who’ve decorated their houses in a way that shows they’re truly in the spirit. Or that they smoke crack.
More here. See you in 2011, everyone!
There are at least two things I love about being a Dad. The first is the exemption society seems to have granted me regarding personal hygiene. Didn’t shower this morning? Or brush my teeth? Or bother to put on a different ironic t-shirt? No problem, newbie Dad! We understand!
The other day I walked into our bank (in plush Beverly Hills, no less) and thanks to the security camera above the counter noticed a trail of spit-up down my back. Here was my conversation with the perfectly-coiffed teller:
HER: Anything else I can do for you, Sir?
ME (embarrassed, trying to hide): No, I think that’s it.
HER (of Nate): He’s so beautiful.
“He’s so beautiful” was all she could say. And this was not just your average spit-up. It went from my shoulder all the way down to my ass cheek. It looked like a pelican had landed on my head and crapped down my back.
But somehow I got a pass.
The second thing I love about being a Dad are moments like this:
There’s a lot to be thankful for this year — namely, that every time Nate wakes up at 3 AM looking like this:
. . . he also has moments like this:
So Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. 400 years ago today, some generous Native Americans taught us how to harvest crops in the New Land. In turn, we gave them smallpox-infected blankets. Drink up!